Nearly complete and empty too.

It's been nearly a week since I last wrote on here. I feel that the week has whizzed past, although nothing much has happened. The start of the week was hard, too much time spent dwelling on what's happened, but the end of the week has been much easier on my emotions.
I received the homeopathic remedies I'd ordered, to help my miscarriage along. Secale and Caulophyllum. I think they made my bleeding heavier, so did what I hoped, although I'd expected them to cause some contractions, but I didn't feel anything of the kind. By the time Friday arrived, my last scan appointment, my bleeding had slowed, and I was wondering if the remedies had completed the job. I was dreading the scan, knowing they'd probably give another internal one, and wondering if I'd get all upset again from overly sympathetic hospital staff.
So Friday afternoon I went for my scan, alone this time, and thankfully didn't get upset, and was told I didn't need to return for another - all being well in a week or so. At last! The scan woman was clinical this time, not sympathetic and warm like the previous women have been, but that was good, as it allowed me to stay calm and focused, and talk for a change. She checked me out, and said again that both ovaries looked healthy, but the miscarriage still wasn't complete. Disappointed, I walked back to the ward, to await a discussion with a doctor. This time, a gynaecological consultant spoke with me, and was really positive. She said how she thinks I made the right decision weeks ago, not going for surgery or pills, as my body seems to have done a very good job of dealing with it naturally. She said it doesn't happen so well in all cases, and many women do opt for a quicker solution of taking medical help, but in my case, my body's done well. She said there's still a centimeter and a half size clot there, but she said that even with a D and C or Evac, clots bigger than that are often left inside. So I felt very happy to have been able to do it my way, and to have got away with it. It's still not over until I stop bleeding, but the doc seemed confident that it'd probably be complete within a week.
She spoke of trying to wait at least a month or one period before trying to conceive again, or preferably 6 months if we can, to give my body and mind time to recover. I said how this baby had been unplanned, but how we'd been very happy looking forward to its arrival, so wasn't sure if we'd want to try now, or not.
I've actually felt normal again since Thursday, which is weird, but I guess it's good. I do feel guilty when I feel like this though, as I feel I should be sad and mourning our baby for a long time. It has been a month and 3 days since I heard our baby had passed away, and it's been just 12 days since it left my body. Maybe I'm still in shock, or maybe I've just been able to keep busy enough not to have too much time to think for the last few days.
I've been trying to focus on our daughter more than my sad feelings. I've been trying to do more things with her, jigsaws together, playing together, and enjoying being with her whenever I can. I love her so much. We went to IKEA today for the first time ever, and picked up an extending children's bed for her birthday. Crazy shopping experience, not sure I enjoyed it, but it was different.
Anyway, now I'm feeling a little more normal, I'll probably not be writing so much on here. This was started as a way of helping other women who want to hear a first hand experience of a missed, silent, delayed miscarriage, so I doubt I'll continue it once the miscarriage is complete. I don't know, it depends how I feel. The miscarriage may be complete in a few days, but it's bound to still be on my mind for life. It's like the miscarriage will be complete, but I'll be left empty.
Feel free to get in touch if you'd like to know more on anything I've written.
Over and out for a few days probably.......

Can't hide forever.....

Hi to Guatemala girl, nice to be in touch. I'm sorry you went through the same in May. I hope you're getting over it ok, and have lots of support. Feel free to email if you want to chat more.

I had a bit of a low day yesterday, I think it was due to the scan on Thursday. I was often thinking of the 'what ifs', and how it was so unfair. How I wanted my baby in my arms in a few months time, but it'll never happen. I had a nice visit from a friend yesterday morning though, and we talked and talked, as she's been through a very similar miscarriage a few months ago. It was good comparing our feelings about what had happened. She's now 27 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child, and having a hard time relaxing after what happened. I can imagine how hard it'd be. We both agreed though, that although we have had some very bad luck recently, we are both very blessed to have our first children. I don't know if I could try for another child so quickly though, I don't know if I would like to risk going through all this again.
My bleeding has eased a lot in the last couple of days. After hearing from the scan that there's still a lot I need to 'expel', I've been hoping I'd continue to bleed heavily and get it over with, so as to avoid the need for medical intervention. It doesn't seem to be happening very successfully though. At least since Sunday I'm sure my baby isn't with me, so it's just what's left over, the lining of my womb, that is still there. If needs be, I don't mind the thought of surgery to remove that, if absolutely necessary.
I've ordered some homeopathic remedies to try to help, hoping they'll help to remove what's left. They're said to be useful in circumstances such as mine, when the body slows down it's contractions in childbirth, and when the womb is upset. I was hoping they'd arrive today, but no sign of them. I'm hoping they'll arrive on Monday, and do the job, so that the scan on Friday shows the miscarriage is complete. If not, I'm not sure how long I can go on trying to do the right thing. I'm getting very upset with hospital visits, I just want to move on and feel more normal again.
I've just come back from a village summer fair in aid of my father's church. It was really busy, especially for such a rainy day. It was hard to make myself go though, as I knew what it'd be like. Everyone I saw asked how I was, and if I was ok, and were sympathetic. Word has got around, which is good, knowing everyone is thinking of me and supporting me, but it was also hard, putting on a brave face and smiling even when I didn't want to. I knew I had to go though, as I had to get it over with. Like that first time meeting up with my friends after hearing the news. I dreaded it, and it was hard, but I can't hide forever. It's times like this when friends and family are really important, and I feel very lucky to have so many caring people in my life.
Making a big effort tonight too. We rarely go out, but have decided to go to a welsh dancing/folk music evening. My brother does traditional welsh dancing, and loves these evenings that happen a couple of times a year, so we're taking him up on his invite for once, thinking it may cheer us up. Will only stay an hour or so, as taking our daughter too, but still, it's a big effort to go out while I'm feeling like I am. Will hopefully really enjoy it.