Having a bad evening, after a reasonable day. At times I feel normal again, then at times like this I feel so so low, more depressed than I've even felt I think. I've not often felt actually depressed in my life. I've had some hard times, but this is so different. If I've felt low over love or grief of a friend or elderly relative, I've always known it was almost self-indulged, and I should just, and could just break out of it. Or drink or smoke or something to relieve the feeling. This is different though. I know there's nothing I can do to change things, and I've so much to be grateful for, but at the same time, I feel myself feeling really really low, not wanting to talk, or do anything. I just feel like going for a long long walk in the country, and sitting next to a river and watching it for hours on end, forgetting everything.I feel like going and getting a bottle of tequila and drinking myself into a dream, but I've not had a drink since I was pregnant with my daughter, nearly 4 years ago. I really feel I want to escape at the moment. It's so weird. I'll probably wake in the morning and feel normal again, keeping busy, keeping normal. I'm actually a little scared of having time to think these days. When will things feel normal again? (Sigh....)
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I feel like that sometimes too. Today I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear into a puddle of tears when I overheard someone talking about their sister-in-law's pregnancy with a baby due the same month as mine was.
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