Strange day

What a weird day. I met with 2 heavily pregnant mothers, and I met 3 new born babies, all within the space of an hour. Strange just gazing at them, smiling, saying how beautiful they were, feeling really detached at the same time. I'm getting good at detaching myself from things, talking without meaning, so as not to feel what's really inside me. I do feel I need a good cry, but I've not felt able to for a while now. I think it needs to come out, as I'm getting quite moody and irritable. Probably because I'm not dealing with things, and I should be. Instead of staying busy, and pretending everything's normal, maybe I should give in, and just be sad for a bit longer. Only the worry of it not being very understandable to people close to me, that's really stopping me. Really shouldn't matter, but it does.

I've also been back in touch with an old school friend, which is great, but sad too, as such a lot has happened since loosing touch, and she's had a really hard time. It makes me realise that the past year has been bad, yeah, but some people have things a lot worse off. I can't say it makes what's been happening in my life any less bad or upsetting, but it does make me realise that it could be a lot lot worse, and I should be grateful that it's not.